[Most Recent Entries]
Below are the 20 most recent journal entries recorded in
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|Tuesday, November 2nd, 2004|
|Saturday, October 23rd, 2004|
|well well lookie what we have here..
-the deserted smoke-filled dimly lit bar
-deep cherry cola mahogany wood and black tile reflect the ice cold neon blue lights from outside
-a jukebox switches on, a selection is made by a stranger in black
-a strutting first move in tune, raven tresses flipping in a wild call
-it is her song, it makes her feel like all eyes on her and her seductive dance
-the goddess in matte black leather pants and tight black low cut top
-no one is there except her and the stranger, as she moves like polished chrome streaming across the jet black pit
-there is a dangerously stunning set of calm eyes in the corner following her about the floor
-a quick glance and they have disappeared but she continues to be beckon the gods of lust with the fluid move of her hips
-a hand runs from the base of her back and slides up the back of her head, a gentle uplifting of furious locks
-soft lips trace her nape, the hair is let back down, and the presence disappears
-she closes her eyes and calls the gods down with the gyrating of the pelvis
-in a blur in time, in a flash, the empty space behind her becomes filled with a body
-hands slick up her sides and slide down the front
-and so the dance continues until dawn
great, I get woken up by someone playing my lust song
and now I am hot and bothered and want to burn it off at the lynnwood.
going to bed to dream
C Current Mood: sleepy
|Monday, April 12th, 2004|
"I wanna kiss you every minute every hour every day.
You got me in a spin but everything is A OK"
that is what i want, and if you would only ask you shall so get
and it would be a surprise to invite such into the house
this song is good for topping off my long weekend, since it kinda explains some of my feelings
cant wait for the surprises which await me for my birthday :P( good but corny song i am hooked onCollapse ) Current Mood: artistic
|Saturday, April 10th, 2004|
Cantankerous shit bag
tying up red ballons
on a street of wavelength
I hate your painted face
large goofy shoes
and big baggy attire
crawl back into the sewer
into your smoke-filled trailer
where you live alone
How can you try to make others happy
when you cannot make yourself as such
Going about your farce every day
Your smile is a fake one
there could be nothing behind it
but a twisted old pervert
For some reason I am not liking clowns this morning
I dont like them every day, same goes for mascots in plush suits,
but today I decided to express this distrust and dislike for them in poetry Current Mood: sleepy
|Monday, March 8th, 2004|
you go to that place again i will cry, we will all cry, and she will cry too Current Mood: sad
|Saturday, February 28th, 2004|
You're Element is Night. You're a loner who is very
creative but never show your work to anyone.
You may smile a little but sadness or
loneliness surround you and other can feel it
when they're near you. You have a dark or
unusual beauty that makes you mysterious and
you probably have a lot of secrets that you've
never told anyone. You're beauty is intriging
and unorthidox but the real thing that makes
you special is your eyes. Something in them
makes them like "Diamonds in the
Rough." What's Your Element(girls)? (PICTURES) brought to you by Quizilla
oooh...now this is interesting!! Current Mood: contemplative
|hi ho silver
You are the Death card. Death is a stage in the
cycle of life. Without death, there would be no
room for new things to grow. When you receive
the Death card in a tarot reading, fear not;
Death is only an indication that transformation
is about to occur. Death allows us all to
evolve by removing that which is no longer
needed. The end of one cycle makes way for a
new one. Old behaviours and patterns which have
tied us down are released. Death cleans house
so that we don't have needless drains on our
energy. In Death's ruthless destruction there
lies compassion. Image from: Danielle Sylvie
Taylorhttp://members.limitless.org/~morpheum/gallery.html Which Tarot Card Are You? brought to you by Quizilla
Shouldnt my girlfriend be getting this card?
will post after Moon does this test too Current Mood: good
|Tuesday, February 10th, 2004|
|could you know....
where we are there will always be stars
I love you so much that there are scarce words to protest it, and I will always be the one to shake at even the friendliest of rails
I hope that answers can be found in dreams Current Mood: okay
|Sunday, February 8th, 2004|
I shall have black forest cake for lunch
and I shall have something for supper which i know not of yet
My fairytale was finished with yesterday's sunrise and it burned like the sun rising in the sky.
New beginnings are all around us, they happen everyday, as many a time as miracles and appear just as mysterious without reason as well.
Death was marked with the sunset, as fates were sealed for the best with the once more death of the sun.
so my writing was put aflame, for which i am glad to get out of the house for some fresh air and some bonfire smoke of sage and rosemary.
best get on with the day of course, have some homework that needs to be finished Current Mood: peaceful
|Wednesday, February 4th, 2004|
|(s)he's packing heat!
ah this pack is so comfortable, really, I havent the foggiest why I havent worn it for a whole day yet.
ah yeah, i remember why...the obvious bulge...lol
it was downtown vancouver or really anywhere outside of school I would wear it everyday!
it is nice having a flat chest too, but not nice sitting up propped against pillows, because this binder is making it a wee bit hard to breathe deeply. It is much more comfortable standing up.
Since these often troublesome boobs get in the way, i am a bit glad that they are getting smaller in proportion to my body. The downside of course is this binder has become too big for them, and i have resorted to pinning it up once it has been doubled over in the front.
wearing my khakis and grey knit cotton wifebeater, and damn i look fine! Current Mood: hawt...lol
|my telly's gone bung
Looked in the mirror this morning, I am getting thinner! so yay go me
I wish these hefty thighs would reduce in size tho, my upper half is starting to look disproportioned.
Good gawd im horny! lmao Current Mood: horny
|Thursday, January 29th, 2004|
for some reason it hurts to even eat a soft muffin and drink juice
the chewing, but especially the swallowing of things
am i dying?
it fucking hurts
and mum is right, i need to find a doctor here in vancouver
i think that side of my neck is swollen too, i cant stick my finger all the way into that side of my mouth because i hit the sore spot.
if it is another abcess i will laugh my ass off
had one of those 2 years back and it hurt like a bitch and it sucked having to gargle with warm salty water.
I worry that it could be much worse, because of the fatigue, stiff joints, and the sore neck and back that has come with it. Current Mood: sick
|Tuesday, January 27th, 2004|
|i hate me, i love me
i hate this body, but i know when it has stopped betraying me i can learn to love it again
boys dont cry
girls dont punch walls
I am a freak, and i fucking hate it right now
I had a longer post but lj decided to eat it
I am banning gender contemplation alltogether when my uterus is in rebellion
mutherfucking uterus I hope you bleed to death bitch! Current Mood: okay
|Monday, January 26th, 2004|
|god gawd im at it again! lol
yeah, this be a good site for useful trans links
I wish i knew already if my pack was shipped already..im getting impatient and want to try it out asap! *is too eager*
I wonder if artificial sex modification will suit it for me, I am really hoping it will because HRT and reassignment surgery to me is the last option on the list not only because of the outrageous expense, but also because of the permanent health risks involved.
Alot of the time i hate this bloody pissant vagina, and yeah i curse at it alot and at my body too when it desides to betray my mind every fucking month...but i read about these stories of ftm's being very possessive and secretive about their "members" once they get them...and as you all might know
You cannot be possessive and secret about your body in a relationship and a sexual one at that.
righto, im hungry, going to eat
ha det kiddies Current Mood: hungry
|Tuesday, January 20th, 2004|
|*insert roaring stuppendous laughter here*
found these cards whiles looking for zee wonderful "toys" heh
this one i found amusing surpassing all belief
yes, i know it's too early for valentines day...considering the girlfriend's b-day is on the 7th..a whole week before that other holiday
it should be noted that this year..valentines day will be attempted to be observed
as opposed to the weezer birthday marathon like last year
hahahaha...snap your neck like a twig
kay, sorry, i dont laugh because it makes fun of domestic violence, i laugh because it is so out of place from the lovie dovie v-day cards that Hallmark stores have had out since right after christmas. Current Mood: amused
|Monday, January 12th, 2004|
I feel so bad for betraying a long friendship and an old love!!
gawd the anniversary was yesterday and I completely forgot!!!
yes i am completely obsessed
Happy belated 10th anniversary Together Alone
Happy belated 10th birthday to "Distant Sun"
may you fill me with as much tears of joy and sadness as the last 10 years have brought me.
Thank you for the feeling
thank you for reminding me what love really is by just a string of simple chords Current Mood: artistic
|Thursday, January 8th, 2004|
now is there really anything wrong with a midget getting fucked by a horse or a chick whacking off a dog?
Deviation makes the world go around
no seriously, the above doesnt float my boat, but it does for other people (otherwise there wouldnt be such an easy access to it online)
In a way dont we all deviate in our own little ways?
I read about this in an issue of Retarbed zine (issue ate) i believe
They categorised levels of sexual deviation
2. Fauna (beastiality, inter animal kingdom)
3. Flora (inter plant kingdom)
4. neither (synthetics or non-organics)
and yes this is in successional order, and something is odd about that..
according to the author of the article a man ramming a silicone dildo into his ass is more deviatory than satisfying it with a wobbly pig cock instead
the author's explaination? If it were with a pig, at least he would be keeping it in the same kingdom
yeah i dont get it either, I am just as boggled as the general public, nm general public find the subject to be taboo
yet it still interested me and my perverted mind
but then wouldnt the guy from american pie who fucked the apple pie, and any male that thought sticking his cock into a hole in a watermellon, or any girl who has used fresh produce (ie. cucumber) be considered a deviatory freak?
but also then, it aint that much a taboo since it is forever engrained in pop culture and people look at it for entertainment instead of looking away disgusted.
As for myself, how deviatory have I been? lmao
Seems again i am two extremes (1 and 4) plus a Houston-induced interlude with a really fat carved carrot (3). lol
everyone deviates and is perverted in different ways
That zine was pretty cool actually
a few articles later was a indie straight guy's take on homosexuality aptly titled: "I'm a gay homosexual"
lmao Current Mood: sore
|Tuesday, January 6th, 2004|
I fucking hate my nic fits!
keep up the optimism that I am actually going to quit for good this time
i think all i need is another avenue in which to vent my stress instead of the equivalent of sucking my thumb and bitching about that stress to the fellow smokers.
must remind myself why i made this resolution:
1. for her, because she hates the stink and the habit itself
2. for me, because it decreases my health
3. for me, because i dont want to die like my grandmother did 10 years ago
4. for my bank account, because I was up to smoking a pack a day at school
that and I keep my promises, to myself and other people Current Mood: crazy
it is the I again is it now?
man I hate that because I know there is nothing I can do...
It is their choice to do that, and no matter how much I want to kill them because of it
I do not have the energy nor the resources to do it at this time
this is situation where all I have is my mind
this is not a matter to look at with the heart just yet
that tenderness doesnt belong in such a situation
Now Moon, THAT is something that I want gone
I want it dead, I want it out of our lives
It will spead like a cancer if we allow it much longer
You know as well as I, there are only two solutions Current Mood: crushed
|Tuesday, December 23rd, 2003|
|What I talked to Dr.Baerg about on Monday
For once I stumped the doctor! whooha!
Asked for some info on testosterone therapy, and Kerry just dropped his jaw.
I am not sure if i consider myself transgender or not, but I definitely do not consider myself a woman by any means.
Nor do I really consider myself androgyne either, I know Erin considers herself that, but I myself, do not.
Gender can be a very controversial and confusing topic of internal discussion (putting the ever stressful external and interpersonal discussions into an entirely different and difficult section of course...dont wanna touch those with a 50ft pole some days)
So Kerry did not know much about hormone therapy or even really anything on gender reassignment surgery, so we went into his office and he looked it up through the medical database he had and printed out some journal article titles for me to look at through the UBC medical library.
I had already done some research about testosterone therapy, but i was never sure if the information source was reliable or creditable enough. So i did what they always said to do, Consult your physician
All the experience he has had with sex change or even just hormone therapy, was an indirect encounter with a MTF patient whom he referred to a specialist in Vancouver.
But I am glad that my questions posed him to do some research on his own to further his medical knowledge.
"the times, they are a changin" Current Mood: geeky